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(c) Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.

Seeking a spot of serenity somewhere in the universe, I recently booked a deep-discount dodgy berth on the �White Elephant Express Space Shuttle�, to a little known place in a galaxy far, far away.

�IT� (otherwise known as HD 36405.b) is not your average �oddball� exo-solar planet made of rock that wobbles on its end and zips around a nearby star in less than 2.46 days.

Most linear thinkers have a great deal of difficulty even comprehending why on earth anyone in their �right mind� would be interested in visiting a planet called �IT�. Not being a linear thinker with an investment in the �right� answer, I didn�t give a hoot. After all, what does one (who walks on water and listens to miffed mortals all day long) do for a frigging night off, now I ask you?

If truth be told, (after reading random excerpts from �The Itty Bitty Bunkum Book About Life, the Universe and Practically Everything Under the Sun Not To Mention Stuff Going On In Remote Galaxies), I was simply delirious. According to its noted author, Dr. Jarn Leffer, �IT is a �must-see� for those with little time on their hands and a passionate interest in Innocuous Things.�

As planets go, �IT� is a pretty ho-hum celestial pit-stop with perhaps one exception� the welcome notice that reads, �Cosmic Cowboys - Welcome to the furthest unexplored outreaches of the Galaxy � Home to the Flop Fairy and Oodles of Gadflies!�

�IT� is populated by colonies of giggling, green grasshoppers . What else would you expect to inhabit a far-flung, fantasy-challenged hellhole like this? But, what made �IT� strictly speaking a strange place was the fact that the inhabitants munch on green, biodegradable garbage bags just for fun. Lacking masticating capabilities, the gadflies process their food by vigorously jumping up and down on it. No wonder they have no need for fast-food franchises, strip malls or landfills!

Anyway, I picked up this picturesque postcard of the blessed ballyhooing buglugs. They look perfectly happy but don�t be deceived. In reality, they�re just a gang of glad-handing grasshoppers. They don�t play golf, eat burgers, or drink beer -- and none can frost a rock! Come to think of it, apart from the company of bugs and the elusive flop fairy, this pathetic planet has precious little going for IT!!

To put "IT" bluntly, life on �IT� is just shy of a tittynope*. The jolly green grasshoppers and the carefully manicured green fairways with sand traps as far as the eye can see certainly make for an utterly harmless world. Regrettably, without a pair of golf clubs, a dimpled white ball, and the notion that 19th hole even exists on this planet -- �IT� is about as fun as bag of toads!

Life Lesson 42: Remember to talk to your travel agent before ever embarking on a flight of fancy to a planet called �IT� in a galaxy named �Have-a-Nice-Day�!!

__________

*"Tittynope" for you whiffling word-peckers means "a small quantity of anything left over".

If you want to know what those green, glad-handing grasshoppers from "IT" look like -- ask any four-year old, or failing that request some help from a Flying Saucer Club member.

About the Author

Theolonius McTavish is a somewhat spaced-out time-traveller (of minor relevance and importance in the great scheme of things). When not probing odd things happening somewhere in the depths of the universe, he enjoys chinwagging with all manner of merry folk at www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com

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Planning A Family Cruise Vacation Can Be A Job In Itself
By Otis Whitley

On the other hand, a family cruise is a vacation where almost all of the planning is done for you.

your itinerary
your meals
your transportation
your entertainment
Consider the hassle of planning a family vacation.

Rental car. (Is it big enough? How long are the lines at the agency? Do we bring our own car seats or rent them from the company? How do we find our way around?) On a family cruise...no rental car.

Food. (How are we gonna feed everybody? Make the meals ourselves? That doesn't sound like a vacation. Restaurants? What can we afford? And the kids don't eat anything.) On a family cruise...all inclusive meals at a variety of restaurants where the kids are free to order anything on the menu - or make their choices from a huge buffet. You can even arrange for the kids to safely eat on their own - so you can enjoy something more sophisticated than peanut butter and jelly!

Entertainment. Okay, we know what we like, but how are we going to keep the kids from being bored out of their skulls? On a family cruise...a plethora of entertainment, from pools and shows to oceans and outings.

The cruise lines offer safe, supervised onboard entertainment for kids

Most of the cruise lines have special programs - day camps, essentially - for children as soon as they're out of diapers. And of course the activities differ based on your children's ages. Carnival has Camp Carnival, Norwegian has Kid's Crew, Royal Caribbean has Adventure Ocean, Princess has Love Boat Kids, and Disney - well, Disney has the whole dang boat! (After all, here's a cruise line that built itself specifically for family vacations!) But let's be clear here: families include parents. One reason these kids programs are so appealing is that they allow parents to take a few hours' worth of vacation away from their kids each day to go and do parent things! (Some parents take this a step further even, bringing a nanny, babysitter or au pair along on their family cruise. All inclusive cruising can make this an affordable - and liberating - option.)

Family reunions are a popular family cruise option

Have you ever tried to put together a family reunion? Not so easy, is it? Everyone wants to host, no one wants to host. This branch of the family wants a leisurely vacation, that branch wants an adventure. Nobody wants to coordinate all those desires and requirements. There's a reason so many families have family reunions on a cruise - because it's easy. Pick a date, pick a departure port, and everyone can make their own arrangements. Then, once you're on the cruise, you can just focus on enjoying each other.

Expand your children's horizons

Cruising allows you to take your children to different ports, different cities, even different countries, on a single trip. In addition, the cruise lines are starting to add a more educational component to their shipboard kids activities. For instance, Royal Caribbean has a "mad science" program, and Princess has an environmental education program designed by the National Wildlife Federation. A family cruise means you can have a vacation that gets your kids away from video games and cell phones, and that, by its very nature, gets them outdoors. Kids can meet new friends in a safe and supervised environment and get a perfect mix of time with and away from their parents. How can you improve on that?

Otis Whitley
Best Cruise Reviews
http://www.best-cruise-reviews.com

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